I met a friend of a friend this week. He is a believer in energies and the power of positivity. After talking with him for 10/15 minutes, he asked if I would like him to share his impression of me. As a curious kitty, who loves a bit of self-analysis, I said
“sure, go for it!”
His response was:
“You are a beautiful woman and have this great outward positive vibe. But I think you are only outwardly positive. You do this to show others you are strong and want others to think that of you. Whereas inside you aren’t happy and want support. I don’t believe that you truly believe you can get better. You need to work on your inner self and start being positive for real. Believe you can get better”.
Well, how about that then!
This statement left me a little shocked into silence. There are so many things about this ‘analysis’ that I don’t like.
“You are a beautiful woman”
you are saying that to someone who doesn’t feel beautiful. A woman who has very recently lost all her hair and is now losing her eyebrows. This statement tells me you are still judging me by my looks. It doesn’t matter if that judgment is positive or not. You are still doing the one thing that I now hate: looking at me and judging me by my appearance. I am trying to put more emphasis on the inside qualities rather than the outside, but this just proves that it is still, and always will be, about looks.
“you are only outwardly positive…whereas actually inside you aren’t happy.”
Since when is that a bad thing? It isn’t shameful or something you need to fix. I believe it’s an excellent quality. If on days you don’t feel great but can still plaster on a smile and be upbeat then bravo! You are winning at life! I am not always going to be happy because my Alopecia gets worse every day. Some days that won’t be as upsetting as others. But it is something that is always on my mind 24/7. Can you imagine how exhausting and consuming that is? I have lost my identity and let’s not forget it has all happened in a span of 6 months! Not long enough for me to come to terms with it yet. I don’t have to be positive all the time, but I choose to at least try for others, so I am not a Debbie Downer!
“You need to believe you can get better”.
There’s a TON of people out there who believe in healing through positive thoughts. And I think it is a great mindset, but not my mindset. There are too many sick people out there who are positive yet still continue to be sick. I need to plan for the day I might not have eyebrows or the day I can’t wear a turban. He said “by planning these things I no longer have belief that I will heal”. My body is attacking itself for a reason and it is not because I am negative, because believe me I have never been a negative person. So please do not tell me that I cannot plan my future as a hairless person because it is a defeatist attitude. Would a defeatist person be seeing three different types of doctors in 1 month? Would a defeatist person be on a diet that eliminates major food groups? NO!
The person who said this to me was right. I can’t argue with what he said. It’s accurate. But I will argue that it isn’t a bad thing.
People who push positivity can do harm. They make you feel like you have a problem for not being this strong minded, happy person 24/7. Let’s stop with that kind of pressure. It’s not a fault if you have a bad day, week, or month.
I aim to be a good role model to my daughter, and that’ll be by encouraging her to be comfortable with ALL her emotions, both happy and sad.
Personally, I will always strive to be happy, even if it’s only outwardly because that’s what comes naturally to me.
P.S. I know my posts are all over the place!!! I am feeling highly unorganised in life! Good job the new moon is coming soon 🙂