#Personal: “What did we say?” (My emotional story)

I started a course to help me develop my writing skills and this week I was set the task to write a true story with emotion.

I decided instead of taking the easy route (a tale of sorrow about me losing my feminine identity), I decided to share a story that is wholesome and heartwarming. It’s an occurrence that I will never forget.

Let me know what emotion my tale stirs up in you.

 

What did we say?

Three is a reoccurring number in my life. And this story starts no differently.
We were entering the doctor’s office for the third time. Three months before this, after three tests, our whole world changed. Me and Mr Bonono were going to have a baby. We were soon going to be a family of three.

There’s another story behind thE surprising pregnancy discovery and the struggle of coming to terms with this revelation. But what you need to know is that by the time THIS story occurs, we were over the moon with our new addition.

I loved going to the doctors. Not just because we got to see our baby Bonono through the 3D ultrasound, but because it was the place where I felt extra special. A feeling every mother-to-be should feel.
I was carrying precious cargo which made me feel precious too. I felt like I had a purpose in life, after all, I was doing the world’s most important job (growing a human). At the doctor’s there was nothing but love – I oozed it, and Mr Bonono showed it. Luckily for me, pregnancy was bliss.

I laid down on the bed, exposed my slightly bulging belly and braced as the cold gel blobbed out onto my skin. I held my breath, mouth stretched into a huge grin, and the doctor began the scan. The screen showed us these weird little flipper-like hands, attached to teeny-tiny arms. So cute!
The doctor told us our little fish-baby had a strong heart and looked healthy. This health report annihilated any unconscious anxiety I had, so now I was beaming even brighter than the sun.

After a short while, the doctor asked

“Would you like to see if we can see the sex of the baby yet?”

Me and Mr Bonono had talked about finding out Baby Bonono’s gender a few weeks earlier. After some reluctance on his part, we agreed it was a good idea. Mr Bonono had always wanted a girl. He imagined a sweet and caring little lady that he can have tea-parties with (his actual words!), so if we were having a boy, he would need to adjust his mental picture. Plus I’d not helped the situation by regularly telling him that all the old wives tales were pointing towards a girl.

So not to have a labour room shock I said to the doctor, in an overly excited voice

“Yes!”

Mr Bonono held my feet, and we both looked at the ultrasound screen in silence. That the doctor pushed and moved the wand around,

“Ok. You. Are. Having… a boy.”

Stunned silence

I think my heart stopped for a second. I could physically feel my stomach flip.

“a boy?!” we practically said in unison

“I’m about 95% sure. It’s a little early, but it looks like it to me.”

The doctor then proceeded to point out various parts of Baby Bonono’s anatomy, none of which was going in my head. I laid there with a blank expression on my face as clouds started to move in on my sunny disposition.

It’s hard to explain the disappointment I felt. I didn’t love Baby Bonono any less; it was just different. I had convinced myself we were having a girl, so much so, he even felt like a girl to me. I’d been planning Disney Princess fancy dress, cupcakes, and mummy daughter cinema trips. And now I have a little willy growing in me?

While I was processing the news, I suddenly thought about Mr Bonono. He was going to be taking this news even harder than me.

I looked up at him, and as I expected the subtle signs of disappointment were all over his face. Of course, we couldn’t be vocally disappointed because our boy was healthy and strong. He was growing well, and we were blessed for that. But still those feelings were there, and they were real. I cursed my stupid big mouth; I shouldn’t have been getting his hopes up.

We left the doctors office and walked to the car, still in stunned silence.

“Are you disappointed”? I asked Mr Bonono as we drove home

“No. Of course not. Happy and healthy is all that matters.”

“Really?”

“I just really wanted a girl.” he stated almost hesitantly.

“Me too” I sadly agreed

At a time when we should be nothing but joyous, our respective state of upset brought us closer together.

It took a couple of days for us to accept the news of a boy entirely, but we did, and after a week we were more than accepting, we were excited. We’d spent time discussing hobbies Mr Bonono would do with our boy, sports he could play, and short-listing potential names.

Fast-forward to one month later – now married (that’s another story), we were heading to the doctors for our four-month appointment.

I laid, blissed out and happy, on the examination table while the doctor confirmed Baby Boy Bonono was also blissful and happy inside me.

“So have you been thinking of names?” the doctor asked.

I said “we’re struggling to agree on a name. We could agree on a girls name, but a boys name is so much harder”

“Well let’s see what name you need to pick then” the doctor nonchalantly said while looking at the screen

Me and Mr Bonono looked at each other a little confused.

“But, you told us already” said Mr Bonono.

“Huh. OK. What did we say the sex was?” the doctor asked

“What do you mean what did WE say? You said boy; WE said ok.”

“Well let’s just check that again.”

Tense seconds, that felt like hours, passed as he prodded my belly.

“GIRL” the doctor suddenly shouted

Wait, what!

Girl?

For the second time in that doctor’s room, my heart stopped and my stomach flipped.

We were having a girl!

 

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5 Responses

  1. Margi

    Excited – change of focus – slight hesitation – fully on board – rewind!! Ecstatic!!
    What a wonderful rollercoaster!

  2. Caroline Cackett

    Beautifully presented , showing all the emotions that all new parents go through . I felt i was there with you all the way (only wish i had been) . As usual you amaze me ,i am so proud of you, my heart bursts with love . 💝

  3. bellawyn

    What a joyful, rollercoaster ride of a post! I loved reading this. Don’t know how it escaped me. You have a growing gift for telling tales. More!!!

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